Ouch! It Hurts!

My whole body is aching right now. This morning, I walked for 1/2 hour, then spent almost an hour with a pick, tearing through the tight weeds and mounds of grass. SUPER hard work for me! Now my shoulders and back are totally feeling it, and I'm not even close to being done.

As for eating? Ugh! I just want to eat and eat and eat and eat. Nothing is taming this monster. Sometimes I find myself with the will power and others, I just give in, but make the portions super small or even just a taste. I'm hungry all the time! But I am still maintaining.

I will get back outside once it cools down. Otherwise, I'm in here for the day with chores to do. I'm cleaning out my crafting areas and trying to get my mending pile free of mending. This, too, is hard work that kills my back and shoulders.

I've worked out every day for a whole week and am pretty proud of myself. Hopefully, I can keep this going. I've decided to do the cardio for another week, then go back to Jillian, unless the cardio is taken off (I hate that!) of Time Warner.

I'm drinking lots of water and just had my cup of coffee. However, I decided to limit it to two cups, as one just isn't enough, but I did cut down on the amount of sugar and cream I am using. Not much... but still a cut down.

Totally Tuesday!

And I stuck to it, still working out! I heard Jillian yelling at me (as I drove my kids to school this morning) that I'd better workout when I got home. Yes... I hear her voice. I know it's my own mind, but hey! whatever works for me... lol! And it does work. I did the squats lower and harder, and I still feel ok. Yay me!

I went out for breakfast this morning and only at 1/2 of a muffin (Oh... so yummy!) at Mimi's Cafe, with no butter! It tasted JUST FINE! No seriously! It did. I realized for the first time goin gthere that it didn't need butter at all. I also only drank one cup of coffee. I am so proud. I did have a "just enough" breakfast, which was a small portion of potatoes, black beans, and egg and a tortilla with varioius heat-producing salsas. Very good, and didn't make me "want" to eat the remainder on my plate, because... well... there weren't any. But, like I said... they were "just enough" portions, and that is the intent.

I've been drinking my water faithfully. I think, overall, on day 20... I'm doing pretty good. This is the longest I've ever stuck to my guns and kept on going.

And, Josh, if you are reading this... you should have faith and believe in yourself. You have a wonderful child that NEEDS you to. He believes in you, and children are the most intuitive beings, especially at such a young age.

To all of you... don't put off today. Utilize the "NOW". Tomorrow will be today then yesterday, then the day before yesterday. Before you know it, it will be last week! And, if you go ahead and start, you may slip. Don't quit, don't stop. Just keep the ball going. Play the game of life, and come out ahead by picking yourself back up again and sticking to your guns. (Can you tell I feel "positive" today? LOL!) Maybe if you say or think positively, eventually, even you will believe yourself.

Weight Loss and Personal History - Setting Yourself Up for Failure (AGAIN!)

This subject is a little hard for me to write on. But, since I hope to get more followers, I am addressing everyone out there in blogland.

Some of us inherit obesity. Some of us develop a mental disorder based on some trauma, whether it is abuse (of any type) or something tragic that happened in our childhoods or other time in our lives. For whatever reason you may be overweight or obese, help and support are always necessary.

I began seeing a therapist (new one!) on Friday. Gotta love it. I decided after all of these years of trials and failures, I needed to be real and be true to myself. I realize that it is not just a matter of saying and doing, but getting to the root of the problem. My problem is me. My problem involves my (sometimes) lack of willPOWER and my overall mental health. I need to be healthy all around, not just my body.

My failures are due to my dissolving of my confidence. Before, I would start a program (can't tell you how many times I have done that) and do it ok for a couple of weeks, then start to talk myself out of it, making myself feel like a failure, even though I hadn't quite failed yet. But, I constantly set myself up for failure, because I felt I deserved it.

I realize that not everyone has the insurance or the money to seek out a therapist. I strongly advise you join a group such as Overeaters Anonymous or any other therapy group. This type of group is either free or minimal charge and will give you the steps you need to help yourself.

I know I always say that I am my own support group, that I don't have one at home. This is still true. My support group is me. I fought myself to actually get the help that I need to make this bout of weight loss a success. I am tired of failing. But all of you who visit and especially those that leave comments are my support as well. I want to thank each and every one of you.

Please leave a comment. When you leave one, it also gives me a way to find you, and help you on your journey as well. We all need each other in this journey. It has been said before... Never climb a mountain on your own, for who will catch you should you fall...

Missed One!

Yeppers... I did not post yesterday! So... I missed one. Life happens. I didn't get in until 2a.m., and heck if I was going to sit down and write. But, for the most part, at a dual birthday celebration, I think I did pretty well last night.

Still doing 30 Day Shred. Jillian is starting to make me feel really good! I am getting through those workouts better everyday. I was still a little sore, but I did a little more in between the advanced and beginner in the squats (a little more "full out") and such and worked it. "Burn, Baby, Burn!" is what her newsletter said yesterday, and that's what I did. Then... afterwards, my day became a little chaotic.

We had to get stuff together super quick to go. We got to my mom's early, so the girls and I walked (the little one - she's 3, almost 4 - opted to stroller-sit this one out) down to the Carl's Jr. Yeah, I know... a little fatty... but we were walking, and I hadn't eaten all day (this was 2:30'ish). I was bad in the eating area and hadn't really had my water intake either. I opted to split a burger with one kid, split a nacho with another, and split my split of the nacho with the burger child. So, I ended up eating 1/2 burger and 1/2 of a 1/2 (1/4) of super nachos. We took water. Yay us! Wasn't bad at all, and we did walk back.

Unfortunately, I cannot resist Almond Roca. I admit (because I am supposed to be honest and accountable here) between first arrival and dinner, I ate four (4) golden wrapped Almond Roca candies. They were yummy, but not as addicting as I remember. I honestly don't know why I ate them, probably from habit, as my nerves were still booming with the anxious rush of adrenaline from the previous chaos of the day. But, I do know, I was able to stop. Yay me!

Dinner was a breeze. Ok, so it was fried shrimp and fries, but I only ate 5 shrimp and not even a handful of fries. My salad was fairly large (with mixed baby greens and spinach), and I drank more water. Cake? Oh yeah! I resisted the ice cream. A little hard to do... but with choosing a cupcake over the cake, it was easier. The trick? I ate the cupcake over a napkin, not over a plate. This left no room for the ice cream, and also didn't give the "appearance" something was missing. Oooohhh... I am pretty proud of myself.

I also resisted picking up more shrimp as I walked by throughout the evening. Whew! That was good. I admit... I almost picked up another piece, thinking "this one won't hurt me..." and killed that thought, with the question, "and do you really need it, Lisa?"

(Yes, I talk to myself quite a bit through all of this. Remember, I am my own support system.) See my motto to the right (in the sidebar)? "There is no magic wand to make the weight go away. The magic... is YOU! Use your willPOWER!" I believe this.

I have begun a weight loss program so many times throughout the years. I griped, I complained (afterall, it's what I do best!), and made it someone else's fault. It was everyone else's fault. Never really mine. I didn't have a support system, no one encouraged me, everyone always offered me candy and fatty foods, as well as more food... etc., etc. You know... we've all heard it before. What I realized (this time), was that I really don't care what other people think or say or do. I have to seriously do this for me and no one else. It is hard, it is a battle, it is a mountain (see my title pic!). Others can climb it with me, if they want to... but no matter what, I will do it! It is a challenge I must accomplish, only to challenge myself.

It's not that I don't need others to support me at all. There are those things in life that you just "have" to do by yourself. Like... uh... you are constipated (I know... YUCK!), and you just need to drink lots of water and "push" through it on your own. Sometimes you have someone there offering you advice and such, but lots of times, people laugh or cajol you, making it even harder than it should be. You (I) must endure! I had to find the strength in myself. And I think... this time, I seriously found it.

Like I keep reminding myself... I am not doing a "cold turkey" thing here. I am still eating pretty much the same foods I did, just less. I ate fairly healthy before I started my little regime, just ate too much of it. I'm sure some of you do too. Those of you that don't... BABY STEPS!

I ate out the other night... I ordered veggies instead of the potato, and it was delicious! If you don't really like veggies... find a favorite seasoning and add that. You'd be surprised how a little pepper and basil changes the flavor of those steamed carrots. (Makes 'em really sweet... Yum!) Sometimes it takes a while, and it takes change. Remember, the magic is in YOU!

Oh! Before I forget to tell you... there are two steps at my mom's by the front porch. When I first got there, it was painful to take those. By the time I left last night, it was no problem, and I barely felt them. Gotta go... got up a little late today (again) and still need to work out. I will try to post again a little later.